ALCOHOLISM
Drinking
and Safe Sex
Dear Diva,
I drink too much.
And when I do, I end up in trouble, particularly in sex situations.
I have good standards and all, but when I party, I get wild.
What should I do? -- Problem Drinker
Dear
Problem Drinker,
"Every time I drink I don't
get in trouble, but every time I get in trouble I've been drinking." Does
it sound familiar? Diva suggests that you go to some Alcoholics Anonymous
meetings. There are more than 120 meetings per week in the Washington
area, and AA is the only thing that seems to work. But Diva sees a larger
problem, that of safe sex. No sex is worth dying for, as Diva has said
before, and when we are drinking or high it is easy to forget that it is
death we risk. Go get tested for HIV, and then after that make your best
effort to practice safe sex. And if you are wondering if you have a
drinking problem, then most likely you are an alcoholic. People who
aren’t don't think to wonder about it.
Live-In Treatment Program
Dear
Diva,
I am a lesbian and am in an alcohol treatment program. The
program includes a structured live-in house, meetings and a sponsorship
program. Our “house mother” is a real tyrant, and threatens us with
getting kicked out if we disobey her strict rules. I don’t mind any of
them, except her view of proper sponsorship. Traditionally, you are to
have a sponsor of the same sex to avoid being taken advantage of when you
are new. Well, for me, as a lesbian, another woman - straight or gay -
would be a disaster. So I found this gay guy who is great, and asked him
to be my sponsor. For a lesbian, a gay guy is the only one who won’t hit
on me or I won’t fall in love with. Now the “house mother” has told me I
must have a female sponsor. What should I do?
-- Lesbian in Recovery
Dear
Cinderella,
You didn’t mention where you live, what city. Diva is more
than happy to help with research for alternative sober living situations
so you might find a more understanding place to live. But, remember, your
new life is the most important thing you have. There are other structured
sober places to live.
As for this house mother, the horny bitch, how dare she
presume to dictate an appropriate sponsor for you. Diva agrees with you.
For a lesbian, a gay man is perfect. Not only will you avoid sexual
tension, but you will avoid the following sponsor situations:
1)
Straight woman - you won’t have to listen to her stories about sex with men (yuck for
you) or lectures about your sexuality or, worse, how straight she
is!
2)
Gay woman - falling in love for either one of you just isn’t fair nor prudent, in
time you become more adjusted to sobriety and different things will interest you - perhaps not her!
3)
Straight man - thinking you are gay because you haven’t been with him yet, or,
the worst insult possible, him asking you about your private life for his
fantasy material! Straight men just don’t get it at all!
My dear, your wisdom is admirable. Our community must come
together or perish. Gays and Lesbians are naturally united by common
social experiences growing up outside of the norm, not separated by our
differences. But if bitch mom from hell isn’t satisfied, Diva will find
you a sponsor who is sexually ambiguous enough to confuse even the most
uptight.
Note to readers: follow
the directions given to you if you are new in recovery, but choose
carefully where those directions come from. There are many opinions based
on actual experience. Ask several people who have long term and
successful sobriety what they think, and follow their guidance.
Embarrassed by Alcoholic Husband
Dear
Diva,
My husband gets drunk on
martinis and embarrasses me. What can I do about this problem. Thanks.
-- A Non-Drinker
Dear
Alanon,
You can do nothing about his
drinking. You must concern yourself with how his behavior effects you.
If you are embarrassed by him in public when he’s been drinking, refuse to
go with him in public. If he gets belligerent or violent, leave him to
himself or kick him out of the house.
An alcoholic must learn to pay for his/her own actions. If
you enable, you are enabling their denial and promoting their
self-destruction. Alanon is a recovery program for friends, family,
spouses of alcoholics. If you have one in your life, you are suffering
from the disease as much as the drinker. Call the local Alanon phone
number and go to a few meetings. If you start to get better, the whole
situation will begin to change. Be brave and practice “tough love.” It
is the only way.
Alcoholism - Miami
Dear Diva,
Do you think alcohol abuse is more prevalent in
the gay community than in the straight community?
-- Social Drinker
Dear Social Drinker,
Alcohol abuse is one of the
greatest tragedies today, and there is a great deal in our community.
Most abuse happens because the drinker wants to feel good, or at least
better than they feel to begin with. For many people this does not pose a
problem, and a good time is easily had. However, many others have the
disease of alcoholism. For them, wanting a good time is just the
beginning of a slow process ending with jails, institutions or death. There are many factors which may lead to alcoholism, a predominant one is
hereditary, and most who suffer have a bad perception of their self worth.
Our gay community is made up of
many people who have suffered bigotry and suppression who, once out of the
closet, continue to encounter this. Some drink to run from the pain, and
this is a problem. The wonderful thing that Diva sees happening is that
more and more gay people are following the trend to drink less or not at
all.
Miami offers a club for gay and
lesbian people who are in recovery from alcohol and other addictions, it
is called the Lambda Dade Clubhouse. The club, located next to Unity
Church at 410 NE 22nd Street (off of Biscayne Blvd.), offers a place to go
instead of going to a drinking establishment, and has lots of friendly
gays and lesbians who are recovering from alcohol and other addictions.
They have no phone, but offer meetings daily from 5:45 pm to 10:00 pm. If
you have a friend who is in trouble because of drinking, suggest that they
go to the Clubhouse, or call AA Intergroup (305) 887-6762, or the
Spanish-speaking Intergroup at (305) 642-2850.
Alcoholism - DC
Dear Diva,
Do you think alcohol abuse is more prevalent in
the gay community than in the straight community?
-- Social Drinker
Dear Social Drinker,
Alcohol abuse is one of the
greatest tragedies in our day, and there is a great deal in our
community. Most abuse happens because the drinker wants to feel good, or
at least better than they feel to begin with. This, unfortunately, is
just the beginning of a slow process ending, if it goes too far, in jails,
institutions or death. Our gay community is made up of many people who
have suffered bigotry and suppression who, once out of the closet,
continue to encounter this. Some drink to run from the pain, and this is
a problem. The wonderful thing that Diva sees happening is that more and
more gay people are following the trend to drink less or not at all.
Washington offers a social club for gay and lesbian people who are in
recovery from alcohol and other addictions, it is called the Triangle Club
at 21st and P Streets NW. The club, located above Lustre Cleaners, offers
a place to go instead of going to a drinking establishment, and has lots
of friendly gays and lesbians who are recovering from alcohol and other
addictions. The Triangle Club number is (202) 659-8641. If you have a
friend who is in trouble because of drinking, suggest that they call the
Triangle Club, or the Washington Area Intergroup (202) 966-9115, Northern
Virginia Intergroup (703) 281-7501, or the Prince William County toll free
number (703) 494-4781.
Alcoholism - NYC
Dear Diva,
Do you think alcohol abuse is more prevalent in
the gay community than in the straight community?
-- Social Drinker
Dear Social Drinker,
Alcohol abuse is one of the
greatest tragedies today, and there is a great deal in our community.
Most abuse happens because the drinker wants to feel good, or at least
better than they feel to begin with. For many people this does not pose a
problem, and a good time is easily had. However, many others have the
disease of alcoholism. For them, wanting a good time is just the
beginning of a slow process ending with jails, institutions or death. There are many factors which may lead to alcoholism, a predominant one is
hereditary, and most who suffer have a bad perception of their self worth.
Our gay community is made up of
many people who have suffered bigotry and suppression who, once out of the
closet, continue to encounter this. Some drink to run from the pain, and
this is a problem. The wonderful thing that Diva sees happening is that
more and more gay people are following the trend to drink less or not at
all.
New York offers many gay and
lesbian AA meetings, in addition to Alcoholic Anonymous meetings for all
people. These gay meetings offer a place to go instead of going to a
drinking establishment, and has lots of friendly gays and lesbians who are
recovering from alcohol and other addictions. There are many sober gay and
lesbian events sponsored by the various meeting groups throughout the
year. Just call New York AA Intergroup (212) 647-1680. They have
listings of all gay and lesbian meetings and a separate listing of
specifically gay men's meetings as well.
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