AIDS-HIV

 

 

Ritonivir Taste Relief!

As AIDS continues to rampage, new treatments produce new dilemmas. The hateful process of receiving disability, the impossibility of navigating HMOs, the horror of legal aspects of unrecognized relationships vs inheritance, and the decision to return to work while looking apprehensively toward the future have become routine in our lives. As organizations form to discuss, tackle and perhaps ease these monumental thorns, we must focus on the quality of life, the little things (a well placed diss, a supermarket flirt, the choice of tiara or crown). No organization will care about your favorite CD or bring flowers to cheer your apartment. Yet those trivial things can be more important – after all, we’re living with AIDS, not dying of AIDS.
Diva’s attention goes to the horrible, disgusting, putrid after-taste of Ritonivir. Since the guys with the stethoscopes found gel caps make it crystallize and lose effectiveness, they now happily dole out liquid hell! Well, my dears in this situation, an answer has been found! Amid letters complaining about Ritonivir, there was one explaining about it! Go to the pharmacy and buy empty medicine capsules (readily available everywhere and not expensive) and an eye dropper, and you have the solution. No more peanut butter/chocolate/mint/whatever chasers! Measure out your dose into a cup, then use the eye dropper to put it into the empty capsules. Work quickly so the capsules don’t disintegrate, and then swallow. Voila! Down they go with no after taste!
Now, when Diva sees you with a sour look on your face, she’ll know it’s due to your bitchy disposition, rather than distasteful medicine.

 

Jesse & Jim

Jesse,
& Jim

Jesse, & Jim chronicles a relationship cut short by AIDS. From the first date these two were destined for each other and, in spite of Jim’s efforts to run from his feelings, their love endures turns of fate most couples couldn’t endure.
In a stirring musical tribute to lovers of AIDS victims we understand why so many survivors become AIDS activists. Jim, reticent to love and torn between commitment and freedom, searches for meaning beyond his life with Jesse.
Music, both original and familiar, caries Jim through his development and shows us the inner workings of his heart.

This is the story of Jesse and Jim,
Jesse was my lover, I’m no longer Jim.
We met at a protest against Vietnam,
I was fifteen; he, in a pram.
We next met at Vassar when I was twenty-eight.
He was seventeen – an anonymous “date.”
Blue eyes, black hair, white skin and red lips,
Talented and bold, he asked for stage tips
And I, guest artist, the man who was Jim,
Said “Yes!” to his innocence and winked at him.

In the morning we woke after very little sleep.
I made love again from his head to his feet.
Then at breakfast we ordered the same,
Still laughing as we parted, I asked his name.
“Jesse” he said “and I know yours is Jim.”
And I walked away, not thinking of him.
On to my tours: home was restaurants, hotels,
And a thousand strangers’ eyes casting their spells.
Candles and wine, cheap rooms and toilets,
My dick eased my boredom. If a boy let
Me have him I would and my nights
Were a jumble of fear’s lonely flight.
Casanova was I, that was me, that was Jim,
if you see Jim beware, you’re a toy to him.

Mornings I woke after very little sleep
having sweated over memories I didn’t dare keep.
My life was complex and really got messy.
And I kept getting calls and letters from Jesse.
He pursued me like Plato goes after Truth,
Or Satan for sinners; the aged after youth.
From theater to theater, wouldn’t leave me alone
And always was waiting when I got back home.
So my thoughts were on Jesse, whatever I did.
Other loves seemed empty. But he was just a kid!
I could be his father, for God’s sake, fuck!
I was hooked on a kid - of all the damned luck.
I asked if he had someone else, someone other
Than me, and he said, “I do love my mother.”
So I hid and I ran and avoided him,
Until the day we met at the gym.

Next morning I woke after very little sleep
To find Jesse softly stroking my cheek.
Eyes found my eyes, blue velvet, his lingered.
Jesse smiled and said “what’s that on your finger?”
“Did you put that there?” I looked at my hand,
At the platinum, small pinky wedding band.
“I hope you’ll wear it,” I could see his fear,
“Today’s the day since we first met – one year!”
Commitment! Commitment! Commitment be damned!
And no way will I give freedom up for this man
Who’s a boy - who’s a child - not even my type!
So I bolted and lied and booked the next flight
For another town’s safe anonymity
While he sat in love, waiting for me.

Every morning I woke after very little sleep.
No matter who in my arms, it was Jesse I’d keep
Alive in my heart, longing, yearning. Bummed
I limped home afraid, by truer love summoned.
Jesse played the oboe, flute, recorder
Any instrument he touched he’d place notes in order
And make music, beautiful music – out of me,
Out of life, out of anything he’d see.
So “Yes” I said, “I am yours, you are mine
For a year love’s been true.” And our lives entwined
Into durable mesh for six more years
Of love, happiness, troubles and tears.
Then I lost my job, his beloved mother died,
He flunked out of school. God how we tried.
We fought more and more, then loved to get good.
But it wasn’t great. I felt misunderstood.
And so in mid life desperation
I sex surveyed the awaiting nation.

So, morning after morning after very little sleep
I’d carry my shoes, in the back door I’d creep.
Then Jesse, too, got rambunctious and strayed,
Believing as I did it helps to get laid.
Back on tour now I roamed, alone in the night.
For comfort I’d phone, most often we’d fight.
Then call after call after call he’s not there
I fret and I stewed - my lost soul bared.
When I reached him we quarreled, true feelings aside,
For he’d been unfaithful and it hurt my pride.
So was I, but so what, hypocrite is every man.
And now it’s revenge to show him I can.
I ran home with the vengeance of mother for brood.
I’d find him, and catch him, and show him I would.
And so I did. Drunk, naked, drugged into space
with bland hollow eyes and a bruise on his face.
We yelled, fingers flew at terrible pace.
Pointing, accusing truths neither could face.

Next morning I sat there, had had no sleep
Silence broken only when one of us would weep.
The damage done was pursued in our heads.
Mourned a wonderful love that was dead.
That’s when his fevers started, nights, soaking the sheets.
And his bowels turned to liquid like he’d OD’d on fleets.
We “loved” – catatonic, like an empty vapid mind,
But we did it for fear, or just to be kind.
And we still loved each other, deep inside,
A feeling so easy to murderously hide.
Endless TV, a labyrinth of meds couldn’t fill
The void. He called for his mother, but she was dead.
His condition got worse and we knew he was dying
But life seemed much better if we kept on lying
To ourselves, to our friends and his boss, for sure,
but he had to quit anyway. And until there’s a cure
There’ll be many careers cut short, premature,
Still it doesn’t look good for the cause of the cure.
Without work, without love, and all day in bed,
His mother mourned and missing - his a life of dread.
Yet he fought the good fight, terribly afraid.
The disease marched like soldiers as Jesse suffered AIDS.

Mornings I nursed Jesse after very little sleep.
I saved night time stillness to think and to weep
For all the anger vented in my ego driven stance
At the vulnerable Jesse. Had I lost my last chance
To show him how I loved him, how precious he was?
My love came alive, an Indian summer thaw.
Pride and resentment melted at what I saw.
I made daily resolutions to tell him, because
I did love Jesse, I do now, always will,
and any one who doubts it I’m tempted to kill.
So I said the words, held him, showed him that I,
Mister self-centered, cherished him in my life.
He smiled a faint flicker to show he understood,
And I kissed his fevered fingers to help him feel good.
This perfect man, so talented - with many unsung gifts.
My love filled the void, healing many vast rifts.
Miracles then gave us back all we did lose,
And in our newfound joy, his encroaching death I mused.

Jesse died one morning, after fitful fevered sleep.
Our perfect love cherished is the memory that I’ll keep
Alive in my heart, so slow to realize,
That love is all there is – a truth known by children and the wise.
My life now was empty, alone, in a daze,
I drifted from work to home in an endless lost haze.
Date again? Who knows? I don’t feel the need.
My wander lust was silenced when Jesse was freed.
Cute boys and hunks offer, I’m grateful you know.
And when friends invite me, social outings, I always try to go.
But without Jesse beside me, no matter where I roam
There’s never my companion. In crowds I feel alone.
I like my friends, I do, I readily concede,
But no one seems to notice what survivors truly need.

I stayed in bed most mornings, all I did was sleep.
Life loomed ahead only promising defeat.
Bereft, hollow, numb. For an entire long year
As his dreaded death anniversary drew near
I cried and moped and, and bittered my way
From memorial through party that hateful, mocking day.
Back home at my shrine to the best love of all
My ritual of remembrance was interrupted by a call
From the Quilt Rally organizers who asked me
To help read names at unfolding, if I was free.
And “Yes,” I said, “but what if I cry?”
“It’s natural,” they said, “to cry when they die.”
So I went, and stood and read steadfastly,
Saw all around me a brand new family.
I wept quite little, for comfort was around
me more than guilt, tears or fear. I found
A new way to help, though barely knew how,
And we laughed, together, survivors, and I felt proud.

In the morning I woke after very little sleep.
I had something to do, for to give is to keep.
And if I could help others, as others helped me
I’d do it for Jesse, and in doing I’d be free.
So, bravely, I sat down and looked into the mirror,
And created this face - a face of joy not of fear.
And out I went to help gather food, and medicine
So other Jims and Jesses could fight and maybe win.
But it wasn’t very easy, this person I became.
People laughed and mocked me, but all the same
I kept going, kept doing - let them sling their dirt.
They’ll never hurt me more than I’ve already been hurt.
Jesse lived and died with courage, and as he met his fate
So will I, no matter what, in honor of my mate.

Jesse died, Jim is dead, and here I am in his place,
A man in a dress in a wig and in face.
And whoever you are, wherever you go
You’ve now heard my story, and you too know
How sometimes people die, and we die with them
Only to come back and go forward once again.
Did you cry? So did I. So will all the rest.
Still we’ll not back down, we’ll meet every test
This damned plague can summon. Weep openly, be bold
Show the world the truth, let our stories be told.
And maybe you’ll need protection, to swear or to curse,
Or to hide behind rhyme like I do in my verse.
And you know what? You’ll change from tadpole to frog
And weeks will pass when you’re lost in a fog.
But in the end you’ll emerge, monarch butterfly,
Glad for your life and eager to try.
And if you find you’re a long way from home
We are everywhere, and you’ll always belong
 

Bare-Backing

Dear Diva,

I am HIV+, but new medications have reduced my viral load to undetectable levels. I don’t know what to do with my life, since I fully expected to be dead by now. I have been invited to some “bare backing” parties, but it doesn’t feel right to me. When I was sick and dying, I began to understand how wonderful all sorts of things were, and being promiscuous began to seem unappealing to me.
I know there are guys who are naturally promiscuous. They claim now that AIDS is no longer a threat, it is safe to have unprotected sex with others who are infected but undetectable in their blood. Is this true? Is it really safe to have any kind of sex we want now, without worry?

New Lease On Life

Dear Boy,

STOP! Don’t do anything until you read this answer! Diva just chipped her 24 carrot diamond when she slammed her fist on the table! You will receive the bill.
Diva has heard of these parties. For those of you wondering what this is about, “bare backing” is having sex without a condom. It has started to become a fad, now that protease inhibitors and other new therapies have successfully reduced the HIV viral load to undetectable levels in those with the infection. First, this drug therapy is very new and not everybody can tolerate it. Second, HIV and AIDS are not the only diseases out there transmitted by sexual contact. Third, though undetectable in the blood, HIV still lives happily, even if undetectable.
But the real problem is that with each reinfection, each new exposure, HIV reproduces itself and gradually changes. If you are out there mixing the virus, you are helping in the development of a Super HIV Virus, one which will be immune to all known therapies. Diva begs all readers to be responsible. Ask questions from informed authorities as this letter does. And DON”T STOP USING CONDOMS!

 

AIDS Theater Festival

EACH ONE - REACH ONE

Welcome to the 8th AIDS Theater Festival! It is so good to see so many working hard to bring awareness and compassion to the world.
Over the years of writing the Dear Diva column, I have received hundreds of letters directly related to AIDS, and many more indirectly related to the crisis. I have worked hard to assure information is correct, up-to-date, and written so readers won’t be turned off or feel shame.
AIDS reaches every aspect of society, and is found in every part of America’s Gay Subculture. Dear Diva is humor, entertainment and socially conscious advice. Many will never read the Surgeon General’s Report, the Center for Disease Control findings, newspaper articles, or see live theater performances. Some are still in the closet and only come into contact with gay culture in bars. The magazines which carry my column are generally found in bars and notoriously gay establishments. Hence, some times my language is street talk for body parts and actions, terms that will be understood by my readers. Some material is graphic, but then so is some of life. The letters included here are in no particular order, and some have references to locations and resources in specific cities. Each time a column is printed, it is repeated in other cities with information specific to that location. If you are interested in having the Dear Diva column in a local publication, just contact the address below.
We join together in this battle today, from all over America. My motto for us is “Each One - Reach One”, for if we each reach one person every day, then our world will be safer and healthier.
My show travels around the country to bars, festivals, colleges and theaters. We do many fundraisers for AIDS related causes. If you are interested in having our show in your town, or would like help with a fundraising event, please write to:

[email protected]
 

Estate Planning

Dear Diva,

I am in my sixties and am well settled with a lover for more than twenty years now. We have saved a substantial amount of money and want to do something with it, but there are so many options. How do we choose between starving children, the church, save the whales, AIDS research, etc.?

Got Rocks

Dear Sexagenarian,

There are many good causes, and many ways to leave your mark. Perhaps, if you are open to suggestions, you might become a buddy to some young victims of AIDS. This way you will meet some young gay men who are dying before they have had the chance to acquire a life savings. Perhaps you can make one of their dreams a reality.
There was a young man who died of AIDS tragically early, like so many have. He spoke at length with Diva about his frustration that there was so much performing talent in our community that went unheralded because there were so few breaks for them in show biz. All he wanted to do was set up a foundation to recognize and provide support for the best new talent in our community. He died without it becoming a reality, mostly due to his lack of money to set up such a foundation. He would have died more fulfilled had he known a generous man such as yourself.
Everyone has a dream and the young often dream with more vigor. Diva has been told of so many life dreams that will remain unfulfilled due to this terrible plague. And they are good dreams, filled with ideals and genuine wishes of the good for people. As we age we sometimes lose track of those intentions. And you are a giant among men to even ask the question. Making someone else's dream come true might just be the answer for you. Diva must now spend a quiet moment in honor of her friend. Thank you for your question which reminded me of his lovely soul.

 

AIDS Testing - DC

Dear Diva,

I want to be tested for AIDS, but I'm afraid of knowing the results. Any advice?
Frightened

Dear Frightened,

Now you have turned Diva into a school marm, because there is no test for AIDS. You may be tested for the antibody to HIV, which is the most common test, and also for HIV in your blood. And it is understandable to be frightened. So many have died, Diva spends a special time every day just remembering the beautiful people who have fallen to this disease. It is important to remember that many of fears are eased when the results come in, for the greatest fear is the fear of the unknown. And, for a sexy guy like you, it is important to know exactly what your status is so that you can be sure that the disease goes no further through you.
Whether you are positive or negative for HIV, you must be responsible for your sexual actions and use a condom. Read the information available, and take it seriously. For anonymous information about testing and counseling you may call (202) 332-EXAM. The DC AIDS Information Line is (202) 332-AIDS, which will give you the nearest free clinic locations for testing in your area. For general information about this and other issues you may call the Gay and Lesbian Hot-Line at (202) 833-3234. Don't let fear prolong your ignorance. Grab a friend and be brave. Diva will go get tested with you if you need support, for you are one of her beloved children. We must fight this disease together.

 

Fear of AIDS

Dear Diva,

I've been seeing this wonderful man for the past couple of weeks. I like him a lot and I want to continue seeing him, but last week he told me that he was HIV+. What should I do?

Scared
Dear Scared,

Times are tough, and relationships in the AIDS era require tremendous sensitivity and presence of mind. Diva assumes that you have, so far, practiced safe sex with your man. And, assuming this, she also assumes that you will continue to have safe sex with this man and with other men. In other words: THESE DAYS WE MUST ALL PRACTICE SAFE SEX, NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION! So in terms of yourself, practice safe and live long.
But behind your question is a sadness. "What should I do?" you ask of Diva, who has lost hundreds of friends to this terrible plague. Diva can't tell you what to do, but rather what not to do. People who are HIV+ and have AIDS are surrounded with a paranoid and largely uneducated population. Consequently, they are shunned. Diva was called to the bed side of a dying man once, and sitting there next to this frail memory of a human Diva was moved and took the man in her arms, just to hold him. The man cried and said he hadn't been hugged in two years. Two years! And he lived with a lover! This disease cannot be passed on by hugging, or kissing or showing love. It is passed on by careless sexual acting out, which often lies at the opposite end of the scale from love.
A wise woman once told Diva of an exercise she did. Her daughter married a man whom she hated, but the man became a quadriplegic for life in an accident. Diva's friend, the mother-in-law, hired herself a nurse for a day and commissioned herself to lie in bed for 24 hours and not move any muscle below her throat, as if she had the affliction with which her son-in-law suffered. She was determined to be assisted in every aspect of her life, from bathroom to drinking tea. After six hours of this, she fell to her knees and asked God for forgiveness that she had been cruel to this man.
As for your man, put yourself in his shoes, and learn what loving really is.

 

Disability

Diva And Disability

Dear Children,

A terrible situation has been brought to Diva's attention. With the spread of AIDS, and other chronic, fatal and disabling diseases, there has been some reluctance on the part of the Social Security Administration to live up to its mandate. If you are eligible for Disability compensation, or know anybody who is, then read on.
When applying for compensation, it is necessary to fill out many forms. Do this with the help of a person in the Social Security office near you, no matter how difficult it might be to do that. Many areas have AIDS clinics and medical facilities which provide service of this sort on a scheduled weekly basis.
Once the forms are in your first review takes up to 9 months. More than 90% of first applications are routinely denied. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE NOT ELIGIBLE. Go to a lawyer who specializes in disability claims cases. These lawyers work on a contingency basis, which means that when you get your disability award, you will be charged for his or her time, not before. The lawyer will then appeal, another 6 months, and the appeal will most likely be denied. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE NOT ELIGIBLE. Nearly 85% of all appeals are denied.
You must keep your lawyer and schedule a court hearing, which takes up to 18 months. (If you are doing your math, then you know that nearly three years have passed so far!) When your hearing comes up, you may well be awarded disability, which will include retroactive pay for the 12 months before you first filed your application to the date of approval, and then you will continue to receive monthly benefits. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL GET YOUR MONEY ANY TIME SOON.
Diva is outraged at the situation here. A person who is too sick to work, faces major hospital and doctor bills and must pay for expensive medicine for years will be made to wait for the pay that has been awarded. In many cases, the money is held up so long that the person dies before they get the benefit. In some cases, the person dies BECAUSE they did not receive their money. Elderly people have their utilities cut off due to lack of payment, the sick cannot afford food or rent, etc. It is a travesty. We are not talking about the welfare moochers here, we are talking about citizens who have worked and paid for insurance, have real demonstrated need, are armed with a court decision in their favor, and they may die because of red tape.
The moment you receive notice, call your Congressman or Congresswoman in Washington. Each staff has personnel dedicated to this type of situation. Write letters, call, fax and make a total nuisance of yourself. Get your friends to help in this effort. When your Representative contacts the office, things start to happen fast. You will get your money soon. If not, write to Dear Diva and she will personally go to bat for you from her Washington, DC office.
 

Activism

ADA Protects Gays!

You will of course forgive Diva her short absence. Diva and husband were attacked in Washington, DC last July. It has changed Diva’s life. The attacker was caught and prosecuted, thank Gawd for that, but the worse news is that the Fire Department’s EMS refused treatment to Diva and mate! Well, dears, Diva was not pleased that her husband had to walk more than a mile, bleeding, to the hospital, and even less pleased she had to as well - with a torn muscle in her back! Sympathy, sympathy - yes, thank you. We’re fine now, love, and Diva is back on her back. Look for the story in June’s Genre Magazine!
There’s a satin lining in every polyester suit, though - the Department of Justice is threatening the City of Washington with a law suit if they don’t apologize, clean up their act and pay restitution.
My dear children, we gays and lesbians are actively protected by the Department of Justice! How is that possible? Well, it’s because of the Americans With Disabilities Act. It states: “The City…may not deny the benefits of…its programs, services and activities because of the disability status of the individual requesting such services. …Individuals with disabilities include individuals perceived as being seropositive for HIV. In addition, the City may not discriminate against those persons who associate with persons diagnosed as being seropositive for HIV or having AIDS.”
What this means is that if you or anyone you know is discriminated against, CALL THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE! WE ARE PROTECTED! This has come about due to the efforts of tireless political activists and we must all be delighted, so we must exercise our rights in courts across the land.
In light of all of this, you will understand the response Diva gives to the following letter:

HIV

Dear Diva,

I am HIV+. When should I tell my love companions?

Positively Curious

Dear PC,

Thank you for asking this simple question. There is so much high-tech around HIV and AIDS that we might well forget to ask the simple and fundamental questions.
The answer, of course, is right away. But Diva hears confusion behind that obvious truth. Many don't want to be shunned by others if their HIV status is found out, which is a real fear. In this case, to tell someone in whom you are interested but not yet involved might simply give them information to spread all over town (there are some hysterical types out there).
Then there is the case when we don't tell them right away for this reason, and then suddenly we find ourselves in love and heading for bed. To blurt out that you are HIV+ during foreplay doesn't cut it either.
As so often is the case, the old rules are basically good ones. Take your time to get to know a person you are interested in. Talk about things and go on some dates that aren't headed directly for the bed. During this time, get to know the person and decide if you want to be involved. If he is someone you would trust to get involved with, then he is someone you can trust to tell the truth. Otherwise, don't spill your beans or anything else with him. Good luck.
 

Bequests

Dear Diva,

I am in my sixties and am well settled with a lover for more than twenty years now. We have saved a substantial amount of money and want to do something with it, but there are so many options. How do we choose between starving children, the church, save the whales, AIDS research, etc.?

Got Rocks

Dear Sexagenarian,

There are many good causes, and many ways to leave your mark. Perhaps, if you are open to suggestions, you might become a buddy to some young victims of AIDS. This way you will meet some young gay men who are dying before they have had the chance to acquire a life savings. Perhaps you can make one of their dreams a reality.
There was a young man who died of AIDS tragically early, like so many have. He spoke at length with Diva about his frustration that there was so much performing talent in our community that went unheralded because there were so few breaks for them in show biz. All he wanted to do was set up a foundation to recognize and provide support for the best new talent in our community. He died without it becoming a reality, mostly due to his lack of money to set up such a foundation. He would have died more fulfilled had he known a generous man such as yourself.
Everyone has a dream and the young often dream with more vigor. Diva has been told of so many life dreams that will remain unfulfilled due to this terrible plague. And they are good dreams, filled with ideals and genuine wishes of the good for people. As we age we sometimes loose track of those intentions. And you are a giant among men to even ask the question. Making someone else's dream come true might just be the answer for you. Diva must now spend a quiet moment in honor of her friend. Thank you for you question which reminded me of his lovely soul.

 

Etiquette

Dear Diva,

Should you rim on the first date?

Gotta Know

Dear Gotta,

Your question sends chills right up Diva's...somebody get me my fan. The question isn't really about the first date now, is it? Whenever the time is appropriate, which you know because both persons are of like mind in the moment, the real question is about health. We all know about condoms, or we should, but there is a fun little safe gadget called a "dental dam." Oh, now just calm down, you know very well that Diva didn't earn her name by experiencing less than a thrilling sensation. The dental dam is a convenient little thin piece of latex that will not only keep those who like to rim happy, but it will keep you alive, dear girl, and that is most important. Use it and then you will live long enough to lie about your age as much as I do.


 

Safe Sex

Dear Diva,

I have heard that non-microwaveable plastic wrap will work as well as a dental dam for rimming. Is that true?
Mary

Dear Mary,

What is going on out there? Is everybody diving down for some? Well, I had best throw on a wig and some heals and some attitude and find out! But, to tell the truth, I have heard the same thing, from medical sources, mind you. It seems that the microwave ready wrap has little holes in it so it won't explode when used in the microwave, the other wrap has no microscopic holes. So it would seem safe and, lucky you Mary, it comes in colors sometimes. How festive. The only problem that I have with it is what happens if you begin to exchange such pleasantries with Miss Clamp-on Thunder Thighs from Hell? I would hate for you to suffocate in the throws of passion! Try a dental dam, if you will, it might save you.
Diva
PS. Dental dams come in flavors!
 

Alcoholism

Dear Diva,

I drink too much. And when I do, I end up in trouble, particularly in sex situations. I have good standards and all, but when I party, I get wild. What should I do?

Problem Drinker

Dear Problem Drinker,

"Every time I drink I don't get in trouble, but every time I get in trouble I've been drinking." Does it sound familiar? Diva suggests that you go to some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. There are more than 120 meetings per week in the Washington area, and AA is the only thing that seems to work. But Diva sees a larger problem, that of safe sex. No sex is worth dying for, as Diva has said before, and when we are drinking or high it is easy to forget that it is death we risk. Go get tested for HIV, and then after that make your best effort to practice safe sex. And if you are wondering if you have a drinking problem, then most likely you are an alcoholic. People who are not don't think to wonder about it.

 

AIDS Education

Dear Diva,

In this day and age there is a great need for information, your humorous approach mixed with sound teaching seems a very good way to get people to listen to what may save their lives. I have some questions to ask, but I am afraid that they will not be printed. I work for AIDS research and we find that the greatest single problem is education. The straight media has boycotted any direct specific language about sex. There are many people who aren't very well educated and some who don't have English as a first language. We must be able to speak out clearly. I felt great hope when I read your column, but there aren't too many questions about sex. Do you receive any? Or do you only get questions about relationships? What's the scoop on sex questions? How can we get your good advice?
Eager to Learn


Dear Eager,

Diva appreciates your letter and is eager to print it along with her response. You are so right that there is too much careful language about sexual matters, and that preoccupation with decorum is perpetuating hundreds of thousands of deaths and millions of newly HIV infected people. But our society is shy of frankness and we are very prudish. Diva attempts to mix information with humor so that those put off by the very dry, government style dissertations on safe sex practices might get the message.
Diva does receive questions about specific sex practices, and many of them are answered privately (if there is a return address on the letter), but few appear in the printed column due to explicit language or difficult subjects to speak of in a public venue. There are always considerations in published materials and, no matter how much we wish it were otherwise, there are some who just can't stomach frank talk about real issues.
Diva suggests coming to one of her live appearances (you didn't specify what town you live in) where we can talk more frankly (and have more fun) than might be acceptable in a printed forum. Diva also supports your good work and is eager to assist in any way that will help.

 

Personals Ads

Dear Diva,

Is it safe to call an ad in the personals? Should I leave my number, and if I do, will I get crank calls? Should I answer the add in the first place? My friends say it is great, at least most of them do, but I am just afraid. What should I do?

WM
 

Dear GWM,

You can answer my ad, dear, and rest assured that there is a pot of gold under my rainbow. But, in general, there are some things to think about. If you leave a phone number, leave one that can take a crank call or two, it does happen. Some people have a phone line specifically for the personal ads, and some use a special name to know what sort of call you are receiving. Many people use post office boxes, but those are people who aren't looking for a quick response. I even have a friend who lets people use his phone number if their own phone is unacceptable.
But, darling, the real trouble comes when you start giving out your address. Meet in a public place and allow time for a conversation to establish communication on things like common interests and safe sex. This gives you a chance to know if you really want to pursue this person. Some personals are real fiction, and the blond haired prince turns out to be a frog. Now frogs are nice, mind you, but everyone won't please you, so be able to say "No thank you" if you need to.
 

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